Swing Axe, Hit Foot – MBA at the VW School of Business

Working at Volkswagen must be exciting… Every day, VW employees are trying to break the world record of how daft they can be in violating environmental regulations and consumer trust!

It’s as if the people in-charge of making decisions are presented with this elaborate panel of buttons, each linked to a particular decision, and they have to press one without knowing what it’s for.

And the decisions allocated to those buttons are seemingly dreamt up by Donald Trump’s exemplary campaign staff.

You can almost picture the scene at the VW HQ – “Boss, we need to improve our cars to meet the new emission standards.”

“How much will it cost?”

“A million dollars!”

“Okay… what can I get for five bucks???”

They took a massive poster of the Swiss Alps, placed it in front of slums and took credit for eradicating poverty!

Fact is, there are idiots; then there are special idiots, and then there’s the VW-class of moronity!

That project on Fiverr has ended up costing VW over €6.7 billion.

And that number doesn’t even take into account the massive number of lawsuits filed against the company – especially in a country like the US where you can get sued for wearing the wrong coloured t-shirt!

Do you Own a Volkswagen?

Chances are, if you’re Indian, you don’t give a flying duck about emission norms and frauds.

All you care about is whether the car fits your budget and if the mileage is good enough.

Then there’s also that bit where you can say that you drive a “VW”, which is infinitely more exotic than driving a “Maruti” or “Ford” or “Toyota”.

It’s from Europe after all – the travel destination for India’s affluent who buy their groceries online and drink 12-year old single malts – so it’s cool.

But then, what do you expect in a country where people are willing to drive 200m down the wrong side of the road just to avoid a 100-meter drive to the nearest U-turn.

We literally don’t care that VW vehicles were releasing over 40-times the permitted Nitrogen Dioxide (NOx) into the air!

And now there’s the monkey-scandal – VW tested the effect of its vehicles’ diesel fuel emissions on monkeys, exposing those unfortunate primates to exhaust fumes for hours.

But Monkeys are Funny, right?

You’ve probably seen those hilarious videos on YouTube where monkeys mess around with other animals or get into incredulous tangles as they try to negotiate the artificial world they are placed in.

So you hear this news, visualize some monkeys sitting in cages with a car bellowing exhaust fumes in their faces – and it’s hilarious… right?

Well, you must think its hilarious cause you’re still buying VW, Skoda and Audi cars or know someone who has one.

Or maybe you are part of that group of people who are just trying to see what it will take for VW to shut down operations for good – the emission scandal didn’t do it and neither has monkey-testing – what’s next?

What bright idea have the genius minds at VW thought of to cause next-level damage to their brand, image and customers?

I would recommend keeping an eye on your kids’ whereabouts… after all, you don’t know which button leads to their abduction.

The worrying bit is, neither do they!

All cartoons are linked to their respective sources

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